11 years and counting...

Well it was quite the weekend to say the least. I have yet to recover as I sit here with my eyes half open. Katie is at respite care today. She & Dorie went here today (which of course made big sister jealous...but we're working on that). Mary & I have plans to go to the park and do some fun things this afternoon. I just wanted to get some things done around the house first...then I can relax without feeling guilty.

Saturday was our 11th wedding anniversary. Hard to believe. We had a great time. We had been given a gift certificate, so we were able to go here for dinner (otherwise, even for an anniversary dinner, this place is way out of our price range...but it sure was delicious.) We had a sitter for the whole evening but called it a short night and came home to watch the race. I know, we're pathetic...but that's just how we are.

On Sunday we did "church" and then came home to tear down the swimming pool, re-level and re-surface the area and then put the pool back up again. It was a lot of work, but the pool looks much better. It was becoming very sloped -- so we should be good for the rest of the summer now :)

Overall, it was a great weekend..but actually a very emotional one for me. I did a lot of thinking, and a lot of talking with both Bill & my Mom about how Katie has changed our life so much, and how she will continue to change our life forever. I think it was part of the ongoing process of having a special needs child...you have to grieve the loss of certain things.. the loss of your hopes and dreams for them - or at least the loss of what you had thought your hopes and dreams were - we have new ones for Katie now... but it's all a process. Obviously when Bill & I were married 11 years ago we never dreamed or imagined the things that have happened over the past 11 years -- and I don't think any couple imagines that they will be parenting a special needs child. But one thing is for sure - we are a team, we are in this together. It is a process of learning and loving and figuring things out day by day. So, happy belated anniversary honey. I love you.

What a Weekend...

Yes, it has been a crazy weekend. I had listed my status on facebook as "Jill is feeling like Wonder Woman minus the outfit" - and that is how I felt. Too much to do. Katie came home with the spider hat on Friday from school. This is the first year that she has wanted to wear hats. She wore it for a little while and then spent about 15 minutes torturing the poor spider by swinging it around until the legs fell off. It was beyond repair and has now made it's way into the dumpster :(

Then on Saturday we had soccer in the morning. Bill had to work so it was just the girls and I. I opted out of picture taking because I had my hands full with Katie. Mary's team won and she played very well -- especially at goalie. She has already told us that this is her last season of soccer and she has no desire to play again next year. It's her third year of soccer - fifth season...so Bill and I are good with that. She is hoping to start Tai-Kwan-Do lessons this summer.

We then had a two hour pool party on Saturday afternoon at the Middle School pool. I was dreading this b/c Katie always is a handful when we go swimming. She wants to swim but has a hard time adjusting to the initial shock of swimming (temperature, etc. ). Then, once she is in she has no desire to get out. Even after two hours of non-stop swimming when she is rubbing her eyes and is barely able to stand up on her own. Thankfully I didn't even have to get in the pool. Our neighbors (who were having the party for their kids' birthdays)helped get her in and adjusted and I was able to hang out on the side of the pool. Katie can swim, but we just put her in a lifejacket and let her bob around. She is much happier this way. Mary spent the majority of her time practicing her diving technique. It still needs a little work and she ended up doing quite a few belly flops. She ended up coming home and was in bed for the night at 5:30. If only Katie could have followed suit we would have been all set :), but the Katie-bug held out for regular bedtime.

It's been a crazy weekend. But a good one. Church today was great. Katie's "buddy" is working out fabulously. So far 3 weeks in a row of church with no significant issues. It might be a record. I have to work early, so I need to go to bed...more later. Goodnight.

Church Without Guilt...A Novel Concept

For those of you without children with special needs, this post may not make a lot of sense, or maybe it will. I'm trying to show more honesty in my blog posts...mostly because I am bloggging mostly for myself. What good does it do to lie? None. It just postpones the inevitable.

Church is something that many Christians lie about. They lie to themselves, they lie to others. I grew up in church -- 3 times a week at minimum. And you know what, it was great. I loved it. That was the life I knew - and it worked. When I went away to college my church involvement wained. I had PCM (Practical Christian Ministry) and that was good - but it wasn't church -- not the way I knew church.

After college I did the 'church thing' again -- but only Sunday mornings...and more for the social aspect than anything. (Do you see the brutle honesty here.) Bill and I attended church after we were married -- I actually met him through a singles Bible study at the church we ended up getting married at. -- but it was the church all of our friends went to. We weren't involved, we just went to church.

After the girls were born we really tried to find a church HOME. A place where I could feel like I did when I was a child - it was my family. My friends were there. Churches have changed a lot since I was a kid though. And then you add a special needs child to the mix. One who can't just go to a regular Sunday School class. (they don't even call it that now.) Thankfully - about 4 years ago we found our church and it is a great fit for us. But, it has taken us a long time to get to that point. We haven't been attending very regularly over the past year - mostly due to Katie. It was impossible for her to handle church which meant that Bill and I had to take turns taking Mary to church while leaving Katie and the other spouse at home. That gets old really fast. The easier alternative was sending Mary to my parents church where my dad is the pastor and where she loves being in "grammoo's" Sunday School class (they still call it that at their church.) :)

Today marked a turning point for our family. About a month ago I took Mary to see a movie, and low and behold, who is behing us in line, but the Pastor of our church and his wife and kids. Coincidence, I think not...but God. We chatted a little, and in my embarrassment told him the truth -- that Katie's disability was keeping us out of church. He said -- funny you should mention that because we are starting a new program for special needs children . We are going to pair them with a "buddy" who will be with them every week. They will be like a classroom "aide" assigned just to the one child. ( Our church has recently gone through a major expansion ). "My old office" he said, "will be the home base for these kids." He asked me to drop an e-mail to the children's pastor and ask her what our options for Katie were. Kristin (the childrens pastor) said "Funny you should e-mail me b/c I have been thinking about Katie and your family a lot. We already have a woman that is interested in being Katie's buddy." I was floored. God is so cool. He had this all arranged. I didn't even have to stress about. A month later (today) we were in church as a family for the first time in a long time. Katie was with her new buddy Adore, who we "adore". She is a kind, wonderful woman who is willing to give an hour and a half a week to a child she had never met so that her parents can be in church together and so that Katie (and Mary) can hear about Jesus in their "Sunday School Class " -- that is what I am calling it.

God is so good. It is so nice to be in church singing "Shout to the Lord" and to know that I don't have to feel guilty that my spouse is at home, or that my autistic daughter is unhappy or miserable. What a great feeling. What a great day. I was able to be in church without any guilt...and the best part is that God actually spoke to me.....